


Peacocking

by Mesita



Series: Happy Happy Nat x Edd [2]
Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Drunk Fic, Grinding, M/M, Sexual Themes, Underage Drinking, natedd, the S.N.O.Bs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2013-06-19
Packaged: 2017-12-15 11:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/848974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mesita/pseuds/Mesita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Edd drinks too much wine and decides it's a good idea to attempt to strut his stuff for Nat.</p><p>(Technically the sequel to 'According to Plan' but can be read as a stand-alone.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peacocking

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt on tumblr by everyonewantsthedoubled: Edd had too many glasses of wine and starts singing Katy Perry's Peacock to Nat while dancing.
> 
> This is longer than I intended because I needed to make tiny plot-points along the way to make it seem plausible for all of this to actually happen. I'm a stickler for that kind of thing?! So, in reality, we can just say this entire thing was all Eddy's fault. If you want to just read the part the prompt implies, skip to, idk, the middle?
> 
> Nathan Kedd Goldberg and the SNOBs belong to c2ndy2c1d.

It wasn’t even Edd’s idea.

It was Eddy’s.

That was probably what surprised Edd the most.

Especially because Eddy didn’t even like Nat. 

According to Eddy, Nathan Kedd Goldberg was an egotistical ponce from the coast with an outdated small town complex. But he was rich, and therefore the perfect subject for a scheme.

“It’s foolproof!” Eddy said, his voice not even remotely reassuring. “The guy’s got money coming out his ears! All you gotta do is bat those pretty eyelashes of yours a few times and we’ll get him, hook, line and stinker!”

“That’s quite an overused pun, Eddy,” Edd pointed out.

“Whatever, he likes parties, right? And he’s your stupid boyfriend. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten more money out of him, yet.”

Edd rolled his eyes. How many times had he had this conversation with his best friend? Too many to count. Often times it seemed like the only reason Eddy was okay with Edd going out with Kevin’s best friend was because of his fat wallet. “I’m not dating him for his money.”

It was still a little strange to say the words out loud. It hadn’t been very long ago when the two finally admitted their feelings for each other. It had actually been a rather eventful day involving a lot of misunderstandings and a scheme of Edd’s own devising, but in the end, Nat finally got the picture and he and Edd had been together ever since.

The downside was that Edd still felt like if he hadn’t done anything, Nat probably never would have made a move. Hell, Edd was almost 99.1 percent certain that Nat had no idea he even harbored feelings for Edd until Edd tricked him into that date.

And now Eddy wanted to trick Nat out of his money. Edd was beginning to feel like his entire relationship with Nat was going to be based on schemes and trickery if Eddy had anything to say about it and that wasn’t at all what he’d wanted.

He’d been attracted to Nat’s honesty more than anything, so he wanted to use that as a foundation for their togetherness—not money and scams and lies. Surely Eddy would see that. Surely Edd would be a great pal and take that knowledge at face value.

“I’m not dating him for his money,” Edd repeated, just to make sure his point could withstand the force of time. “He’s honest and caring and I can always tell what he’s thinking and when he smiles, the poets only wish they could—“

“Okay, I get it, sheesh,” Eddy playfully began batting at Edd’s personal space. “No need to spout all that Shakespeare crap. I don’t wanna deal with your boner. Are you going to invite him to the party or not?”

“Of course I’m inviting him, Eddy,” Edd narrowed his eyes. “Why would I pass up the opportunity to spend time with Nathan before our Spring Break is over?”

“It’s a Nazz party,” Eddy pointed out as he rubbed his hands together and cackled. “That means free reign of the alcohol stash. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say her parents were purposely supplying us with it.”

“You don’t know any better, Eddy,” Edd muttered.

Eddy didn’t hear him, which didn’t surprise Edd at all. Eddy had a tendency to use selective hearing around some of Edd’s less profound comments. The shorter boy did have a point, though. It would be the first time Nat and Edd would be around each other in the presence of alcohol. Edd had no idea what kind of drunk Nat was, but he could only guess that it would be the touchy-feely kind, or possibly the idiotic kind that thought they were starring in an episode of Jackass.

“All you gotta do is get him drunk and just ask him for shit. It’s not like you want the money, so I’ll gladly take it off your hands!” Eddy elaborated.

“You might as well just steal his wallet,” Edd frowned. “It’s essentially the same thing.”

“But where’s the fun in that?”

“It isn’t fun. That’s the point. Here’s an idea: how about you get money from him the old-fashioned way? Exchange it for goods and services.”

“I am,” Eddy crooned. “I have what he wants, and that’s you.”

“That sounds like ransom, Eddy. And borderline prostitution.” At this point, all Eddy needed was a stereotypical faux fur coat and a fedora to complete his pimp attitude.

Eddy threw his hands in the air, exasperated. “You used to love this kind of stuff, Double D! What happened?”

Edd stuck his nose in the air, well aware of how he looked. “There is a fine line between making a few honest dollars and whoring out your best friend.”

When Eddy’s face fell, Edd knew he’d finally gotten through to his friend and Eddy began muttering to himself a bit with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Fine, I’ll find another way to get all of his cash. But you’re not going to ditch me the whole time, okay?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Eddy.”

“I mean it,” Eddy pointed an accusing finger in Edd’s face. “I won’t play second string to him. I had you first. You can suck face for maybe an hour but at the end of the night, you’re coming home with me.”

“Aw, Eddy,” Edd placed a calming hand on his best friend’s quite frustrated shoulder. “It almost appears as though you care for my well-being should Nathan become too inebriated.”

“Of course I care,” Eddy looked away forcefully. “Besides, if I’m not getting any money out of tonight, then that takes all the fun out of it.”

Eddy actually looked rather down about the fact that his favorite past-time had been shot down due to the moral and ethical codes placed on him by not only society but Edd’s own personal rulebook. Eddy wasn’t a bad guy—not by a long shot. The psychological trauma his older brother placed on him could fill quite a few books. Edd knew this. He could easily see past the begging and the scheming and just see an Eddy who didn’t want lose his best friend to a new boyfriend.

It was a common problem, Edd was sure. It just didn’t have a common solution.

Edd would have to figure something out.

0-0-0-0

Convincing Nat to go to Nazz’s party was easy mostly because Nat was already going. In fact, Nat actually funded most of the party favors, which included gourmet red solo cups and off-brand Doritos. Honestly, what marketing company thought ‘Ranch Flavored Tortilla Triangles’ sounded like a good name for a chip? Clearly Doritos knew what it was doing when it coined its trademark name.

Party snacks aside, Edd promised Ed and Eddy that he would arrive at the party with them and not with Nat. Nat was also okay with that proposition because Nazz had somehow convinced him to help her decorate.

Decorating actually meant cleaning the house by stuffing everything into the spare bedroom and removing all breakable objects. Normally when Nazz threw parties, she made an effort to keep a theme. This year’s Spring Break party seemed to have the theme, “Nazz’s Basement,” which worked well enough.

Despite Eddy saying he didn’t care one way or the other about the party, when Edd met him at his house that night, Eddy wasn’t even near ready. He reeked of cologne and his hair looked even greasier than normal from the amount of hair gel he’d applied. Edd was afraid that if he ran a comb through it, the teeth would get stuck.

It was endearing, actually, but Edd didn’t say a word. Instead, he offered to help Eddy pick out his clothing so that by the time Ed arrived, Eddy was completely dressed and no longer pacing the floor in a white tank top and his red polka dotted boxers.

Ed didn’t even bother knocking on Eddy’s door and simply barged into the room to give his two friends bone crushing hugs while shouting “FIESTA!” at the top of his lungs.

It was helpful, in a way, because Ed and Eddy didn’t even have to bother walking to the party seeing as Ed saw it fit to tuck each of his friends under his arms and personally escort them across the cul-de-sac, laughing the entire way. Edd didn’t mind the Ed-bus when he was twelve, but seeing as he was eighteen and a senior in high school, it really seemed out of place.

And it wrinkled his shirt.

As soon as Ed deposited the two of them down on Nazz’s doorstep, Edd produced a lint roller from the pocket of his pants and began removing the pills from his shirt. Eddy eyed him warily.

“You carry a lint-roller around with you?”

“One must always be prepared,” Edd said with a dignified look. He casually ripped off his used sheet and handed it over for Eddy to take. “Would you care to use it?”

“Pssh, I don’t care about my looks. I’m good-looking without it!” And yet Eddy grabbed the lint roller from Edd’s grasp anyway and used it to smooth out his outfit.

Edd preoccupied himself with meticulously folding the sticky square of paper he’d removed from the lint roller as Ed laughed and swayed in front of him and rang Nazz’s doorbell. They must have been a sorry sight: Edd being very particular about lint roller scraps, Eddy frantically trying to remove every scrap of dirt from his clothing and Ed bouncing left to right chanting ‘Door Bell, Door Bell!’

The second the front door to Nazz’s home opened, the trio stopped their fidgeting as they were blasted with a wave of sound. Edd had to give the architects and builders of Nazz’s home credit for their soundproofing abilities. He had just experienced zero to heavy metal concert in less than a second.

“Glad you guys could make it!” Nazz shouted over the cacophony of electronic beats. Edd actually recognized the song as one Sarah had on repeat whenever they were over at Ed’s house. “Come on in!”

Nazz stepped to the side to let them in, but immediately afterward, four men clad in expensive-looking suits surrounded them the moment they walked through the front door.

One of the men held a metal detector and raised it up and down over the Eds, while the other three busied themselves with frisking each of them. 

“What the hell is this!?” Eddy screamed as he fought one of the suit-clad men.

“It tickles, Double D,” Ed laughed.

Edd was about to say something, when he heard his name called from over the music. “Double D!” And then, “Hey, guys, lay off. These guys are cool, okay? Only I get to frisk my boyfriend, Shelby. Lay off.”

Nat pushed his way through the four secret-agent types. Edd prepared himself for a hug or a kiss hello or something generally akin to what boyfriends probably did, but he hadn’t expected Nat to reach his arms around Edd’s waist and grab two fistfuls of his rear end. He squeezed long and hard, but not enough to be hurtful.

“All frisked,” Nat said, his mouth awfully close to Edd’s ear. He already smelled like he’d been drinking. Edd was willing to bet Nat was already more than drunk. Edd shuddered in Nat’s arms. Most of the time he tried to keep the affection away from Ed and Eddy because—

“Awww, look at the two of them!” Eddy teased. “Get a room, why don’t ya?”

“Maybe we will,” Nat said as he alternated squeezing pressure on Edd’s butt cheeks.

“Nathan, we just got here,” Edd whimpered, trying to release himself from his boyfriend’s grip. He promised Eddy he’d be there for him. He didn’t want to break his promise before they even got in the door.

It was Ed’s voice that broke the awkward moment. “Look you guys! I am spying on the enemies!” he shouted. Edd, Nat and Eddy turned to see Ed with an ear bud in each ear, probably stolen from Nat’s bodyguards. Edd had heard Nat talk about his bodyguards a few times before, but he had yet to actually meet them until now.

The two bodyguards whose ear pieces Ed stole raised shocked hands to the sides of their head to feel around for the missing equipment. Lucky for them, Ed was busy pressing imaginary buttons in the air so they were able to easily pluck the technology from his head while he was mid-laugh.

Edd frowned. “You shouldn’t steal, Ed.”

“But they were going to take my organs and sell them,” Ed said seriously as he rubbed his ears.

“It’s okay,” Nat shrugged. “We’ll get them later.”

Ed’s eyes widened and he ran out of Nazz’s living room, arms raised in the air, screaming about his kidneys. Edd had the sneaking suspicion that Nat was going to have one of his bodyguards follow Ed around throughout the night just to mess with him. In fact, Edd could only count three in his sight.

“You brought your bodyguards to a Spring Break Party?” Eddy inquired. “That’s cheap, man.” It probably put a damper on all of Eddy’s schemes if he had four Suits to deal with before he even got close to Nat’s wallet. Edd’s moral compass couldn’t help but be pleased.

“It wasn’t my idea,” Nat shot back. “My folks are out of town. They’re bored! Show them a good time!”

Eddy slowly backed away from the bodyguards until he was practically in the kitchen where Edd could just barely see Nazz moving around. “Are you kidding me? They’re dull.”

“Eddy!” Edd chastised his friend. “How rude! You can’t say something like that!” he turned toward the nearest bodyguard. “I’m sorry, er…”

Nat slapped his forehead and finally let go of Edd long enough to sweep his arms through the remaining bodyguards that Edd could see. With the immediate threat gone, they’d centered themselves around Nat. Edd felt uncomfortably claustrophobic. “So these are my Super Ninja Oldy Butt-lers. This is X-Dude, Shelby and Trio. Normie’s over there keeping an eye on Ed.” Nat casually pointed a little ways off to the side. Indeed, there was the last bodyguard lurking in the shadows so that he still had an eye on Nat. Edd hadn’t noticed him, until then. He was good.

Ninja Butlers. Huh. Edd gave a small wave.

“Yeah, yeah,” came Eddy’s voice from his spot near the kitchen. “They’re not gonna put a damper on the party, are they? Speaking of. Where’s all the booze?” He rubbed his hands together greedily.

“Right here,” Nazz’s cheerful voice sounded from behind Eddy, causing him to jump a good few inches into the air. Nazz giggled and held up a couple bottles. “Nice and cold. The rest are downstairs. Come on. Everyone else is here, already.”

Leave it to the Eds to be fashionably late. Nazz handed bottles to Eddy and Edd and left Ed’s bottle on the counter seeing as he’d disappeared somewhere. No doubt he would show up again later having missed more of the festivities. Edd couldn’t tell if Ed was crashing around the house elsewhere because the music drowned out any extra noise.

Edd was pleasantly surprised to find that once Nat began moving, his arm still firmly attached to Edd’s waist, his bodyguards backed off significantly. The four butlers hadn’t said a word at all, which was a bit unnerving, and yet they managed to communicate effortlessly. By the time Edd and Nat followed Nazz downstairs, Edd couldn’t even see the bodyguards at all. He knew they were there, but they had to be masters at camouflage and shielding because if Edd hadn’t met them earlier, he wouldn’t have even known they were there.

Nazz had been right. Everyone was there, already. Jimmy and Sarah had managed to trap Johnny in a corner and were currently torturing him with nail polish while Rolf and Kevin held a nonverbal conversation.

If Edd thought the music had been loud upstairs, the basement was even worse. How could anyone hear anyone over the bass? Edd could even feel the floor vibrating. He winced outwardly.

Despite his obvious displeasure, Nat pulled Edd close to shout in his ear. “Pretty awesome, huh? I brought my subwoofers.”

Go figure it was Nat’s stereo that was making all the noise. Eddy saw it, too, and immediately latched himself to the speakers. At one point, Edd could have sworn Eddy licked them, but that could have been a trick of the light. Maybe.

Their arrival caught the eye of their friends and a few of them looked up and waved. Edd wasn’t at all surprised to suddenly find himself surrounded by Kevin, Rolf and Nazz.

No one could hear each other enough to actually communicate effectively, so most of the time they talked with a series of facial expressions and overly exaggerated hand movements. Edd contemplated teaching them all sign language, but he knew their alcohol-addled brains wouldn’t remember.

Edd stared down at his bottle of beer with distaste. He knew they would be passing around some of Nazz’s parent’s things, but surely her parents had better taste than Light Beer?

Nat must have seen the look on his face because suddenly he was tugging the bottle from Edd’s grip. He downed it faster than what Edd thought was humanly possible. What, did he just open up his throat and completely bypass the swallowing process? When he’d finished the bottle, he tossed it into a bin and leaned down to plant a kiss on Edd’s cheek before holding up one finger to signify he’d probably be back in a moment, grabbed Kevin by the shirt sleeve, and then disappeared.

Edd was about to protest Nat’s behavior, but he wasn’t all that concerned. He didn’t want to drink the beer, anyway. He simply excused himself to Rolf and Nazz and made his way to the couch and took a seat. He could amuse himself by watching Sarah and Jimmy put coat after coat of nail polish all over Johnny’s fingers, but after a while Johnny stopped resisting and watching lost its charm. 

He looked around for Eddy or Ed and suddenly felt completely alone. He’d been so worried about making his friends feel comfortable, and here it was him who was alone on the couch. How did that even happen? He felt out of place and began to wonder why he even thought coming out was a good thing. Sometimes Edd felt sociable, but tonight was starting to feel like it definitely wasn’t one of those nights.

Eventually Edd caught sight of Eddy talking to Nazz and Rolf with his hands. As it turned out, so long as no one knew what kind of words Eddy was saying, he came off as a pretty interesting guy. Edd was pretty sure that whatever Eddy was miming, wasn’t what Nazz and Rolf thought he was miming because while they laughed, Eddy just looked frustrated.

And Ed was nowhere to be seen. Just as Edd prepped himself to stand up and go look for him, the couch suddenly shifted on either side of him as both Nat and Kevin leaped over the back simultaneously.

“Hey,” Nat breathed in his ear. The sudden attention after feeling so out of place caused Edd’s stomach to turn a little. “I brought you something a little more to your taste.”

Nat held out a bottle of, from what Edd could tell, very expensive red wine. From his other side, Kevin held out a glass. “Drink up, Double Dork,” he shouted over the music.

Despite being teammates, Nat and Kevin were completely uncoordinated when tipsy. Nat struggled to get the wine bottle uncorked and when he did, he and Kevin couldn’t hold their hands still long enough to pour the wine properly. It sloshed around messily and Edd instinctively tried to sink into the couch. Red wine stained like nobody’s business.

Eventually, Nat and Kevin accomplished their goal and soon Edd was the proud recipient of a glass of wine. He sipped it gingerly, allowing the taste to gather in his mouth.

“Oh, come on!” Nat teased. “This isn’t a fancy dinner! Down it!”

“I’m not downing wine!” Edd shouted back.

“Do it! Do it!” Kevin started chanting and bouncing on the couch so that Edd had to hold onto his glass with two hands. The others somehow managed to catch the drift of Kevin’s chant and joined in.

Edd took a moment to curse the inner workings of peer pressure and downed the contents of his glass. He shuddered involuntarily as he licked his lips. Wine was not meant to be drank in that manner.

And yet, no one seemed to care about proper wine-tasting etiquette. They all cheered him on, instead as Nat refilled his glass.

The second glass went down a little easier, but Edd’s toes were starting to feel warm so he decided that maybe it would be a good idea to either slow down or remove his shoes. Nat wasn’t exactly giving him the first option, so Edd kicked his shoes off and left them in the middle of the floor. He giggled at the strange sight. How daring of him, to leave his shoes where someone could trip and fall.

Edd’s wine glass was never empty. Nat wouldn’t allow it. He sipped it casually, but as the alcohol began to enter his bloodstream, his peripheral vision began to dim and with it, the awareness of his surroundings.

As the night progressed, it grew increasingly harder to tell who was sitting next to him unless he turned to look. At some point, Kevin left because Edd could see him dancing with Nazz from across the room. Edd panicked briefly when he couldn’t find Eddy, only to realize he’d somehow been sitting next to him for some time. Edd had no idea how long he’d been there, so when he turned to see Eddy chugged a beer next to him, he jumped a bit which sent Eddy into a fit of hysterics.

Edd was vaguely aware of Nat asking him to dance a few times, but Edd declined each time. After a while, Nat stopped asking, and suddenly Edd was upset about that.

He wasn’t sure when it happened. He’d been feeling nice and warm and happy just sitting in the middle of the couch, occasionally leaning on whoever decided to sit next to him. The music all blurred together and he was pretty sure that if he started talking, no one would understand him. He understood, then, why the music was so loud. Because everyone had been drinking so much, talking probably wouldn’t have made a lot of sense.

And yet, that didn’t mean that Nat could ignore him. Edd watched Nat bounce around the basement dancing to every other song. Whenever a new song started up that he particularly enjoyed, he’d shout, “THIS IS MY JAM!,” grab a hold of the nearest person, and start grinding against them.

At first Edd tossed the action aside as just Nat being Nat, but then, when the idea slowly surfaced itself in his sluggish brain, he began to get annoyed by it. Each time Edd refused an offer to dance, Nat backed off immediately. He didn’t even try to pretend-hump his leg. Clearly Rolf didn’t want to dance with Nat, but that didn’t stop Nat from re-enacting the scene from Night at the Roxbury with his personal space bubble. It was like Nat refused to dance with Edd.

Like Edd was some kind of fragile thing.

Like maybe Nat would upset him if he pushed a little.

Like maybe Edd couldn’t handle a little bit of twerking.

Like maybe Edd didn’t have any rhythm.

Fuck all of that, Edd thought furiously. Edd could dance. It was a simple mathematical rhythm. All he had to do was count out the beat in his head and proceed to move his body accordingly. That was so totally do-able, even when drunk.

The final straw was a nudge at his side by Eddy, who, once he’d gotten Edd’s attention, pointed across the room to where Nat had bounced his way over to the snack table where Kevin was standing. Edd watched as the two best friends grabbed handfuls of popcorn and tried tossing pieces at each other to catch in their mouths.

It was a platonic moment. There was absolutely nothing sexual about it. And yet it caused Edd’s blood to boil so quickly he stood up, hands clenched into fists.

The new position caused him to sway a bit. If he’d thought he’d been pleasantly buzzed from the wine sitting down, he’d been completely wrong once he stood up. The room swayed and with it, so did his emotions. Every feeling that Edd would have normally had was amplified a thousand fold by the alcohol.

At the moment, he wanted his boyfriend to pay attention to him. He wanted Eddy to stop making ‘go-get-his-money’ hand gestures. He wanted to know where the fuck Ed went. He wanted Nat to stop giving everyone else the time of day and see that Edd could be sexy, too. Edd could grind against people. Edd could shout out THIS IS MY JAM at random songs that made absolutely no sense. Edd could miss horribly at Popcorn Basketball and get kernels all over the floor.

Edd shoved his wine glass at Eddy and began what he thought would be an incredibly sexy saunter over to where Kevin and Nat were playing horseshoes with popcorn and their mouths. The problem was that he’d forgotten he’d taken his shoes off and Nazz’s basement did not have carpet, save for an area rug at one section. As soon as Edd’s socked foot landed on the tile floor, he lost his balance and flailed his arms as he tried to regain it.

In the end, Edd had to grab a hold of the back of the couch to keep his balance. He was eternally thankful that Nazz had opted to place the piece of furniture in the middle of the room. It made his trek to his completely ungrateful and neglectful boyfriend easier.

Edd stopped and stared at Nat. Then he glared.

He could help but look at Nat and seethe at his happy and carefree demeanor. He was so coordinated despite having drank more alcohol than probably everyone combined. Edd cursed his low tolerance for the overly exaggerated oxygen and hydrogen molecules. 

Nat’s mouth was open wide, ready to receive a well-arced toss of popcorn from Kevin when suddenly he tensed. Edd figured he must have felt Edd’s dagger-like stare because the popcorn ended up hitting him in the forehead and bouncing away carelessly elsewhere. Slowly, he turned to face Edd.

His face lit up for a second to see Edd up off the couch, but then it quickly dimmed because Edd wasn’t going to have any of it. Nat was his boyfriend, damn it. Not everyone else’s. Edd had worked hard to get this far and he would be damned if he lost it all just because he didn’t want to dance a few times.

Edd could dance.

In fact.

He could dance right now.

Except when he started to dance, the song that had currently been playing also decided it was going to be over, so that left Edd shuffling awkwardly in place in complete silence. Nat took the opportunity to say, “Double D, what are you doing?” which really only forced everyone’s attention to focus on them. Edd liked that. That was exactly what his inebriated mind wanted. He wanted everyone to watch as he placed his claim on the alpha male. Except Nat wasn’t he alpha male. Edd was. He’d had almost an entire bottle of expensive wine. That was some alpha level shit right there.

A somewhat familiar song began playing and Edd had to silently thank whatever randomizer Nazz was using because it was at least a song he knew. Never mind that the only reason Edd knew that particular song was because Eddy had pointed out how ridiculous it was one day. After hearing it once, Edd couldn’t get the tune out of his head. He had to hand it to the record companies. They knew how to create a catchy tune.

But it wasn’t just a clever beat that was going to get Edd’s boyfriend back. He’d have to put on his own extravagant display to attract his mate.

Given that the song was Peacock, by Katy Perry actually made Edd lose his grimace and replace it with a broad smile—but only because he found the situation completely amusing. Humans really hadn’t evolved as much as they thought they had. Here was Edd, alpha male, smartest in the room, and he was going to resort to cheap sexual ploys to get the attention of another human being.

How primitive.

And yet, giving in to those primal urges was so easy once Edd finally let go. The wine broke down all of his inhibitions and he simply allowed his instinct to take over. 

As the song began its first round of repetitive lyrics, Edd raised a fist in the air, the same way Nat had done several times that night and shouted. “ _This_ is _my_ jam!”

He didn’t even fall over on his way to Nat. It was like his hips gyrated themselves of their own accord. He had the feeling that everyone else was watching him, but he couldn’t have cared less. For the next three minutes and fifty two seconds the entire world consisted of just him and Nat and a ridiculous song.

Edd only vaguely knew the words, but it wasn’t that hard to figure them out seeing as the song only had about ten of them. After all, how many times could a song say, “I wanna see your peacock?” Nat’s facial expressions moved quickly from completely shocked and confused to amused and then finally to lust. Edd knew he’d somehow breached the awkward drunkard fumbling and arrived at destination: arousal.

If Nat said anything to him, Edd didn’t hear it. It was harder to concentrate on the lyrics, the beat and not falling over now that his brain synapses were slowed down. 

♪ _Word on the street, you got somethin' to show me,_  
Magical, colorful, Mr. Mystery,  
I'm intrigued, for a peek, heard it's fascinating  
Come on baby let me see  
What you're hiding underneath♪

Even though Edd didn’t exactly sing the lyrics, he didn’t need to. It wasn’t like Nat could hear him and even then he wasn’t even staring at his mouth. Edd reached forward, grabbed both of Nat’s hips and violently pulled them toward him. Nat had spent most of the evening grinding against the others, but he’d always left a gap. Edd had made sure to check. This time, however, Edd left absolutely no room. He knew he probably should have been a little more alarmed than he was when he could feel Nat’s arousal between the fabric of their pants, but his own growing length instantly negated all of those feelings.

The mixture of jealously, lust and alcohol fueled Edd to keep going. Nat eagerly reciprocated each grind and twist of Edd’s hips with his own until the two of them were essentially sliding against each other.

There was a vague catcall somewhere behind him, but Edd didn’t even bother looking, especially since Nat was so close and so-very-much-paying-attention to him.

♪ _I want the jaw droppin, eye popin, head turnin, body shockin’  
I want my heart throbbin, ground shakin, show stoppin, amazin’_ ♪

With each beat, Edd swayed this way and that until he got so caught up in just moving against Nat that he needed to be closer. The only way he could think of was to grab Nat with both hands and tug him in for a deep, needy kiss. He could feel the vibration of Nat’s moan in his mouth and it was like a lightning bolt shot down his spine.

Edd pulled back quickly and before he even knew what he was doing, he was shoving Nat back toward the couch where the green-haired teen fell backward, practically on top of Eddy. Eddy made gagging faces and scrambled quickly to get out of the way. Edd was pretty sure he was getting an earful but the music drowned it all out.

That, and Nat was staring half-lidded upward at him and Edd knew he’d achieved his goal. Nat looked completely wrecked. In just that short amount of time, his hair looked even messier than usual and part of his shirt had been removed from his sweater. He shifted around on the couch a little, his legs spread wide because the bulge that inevitably drew Edd’s eyes in had to have been pleasantly uncomfortable. Even Katy Perry’s words seemed to understand.

“Such a sight to see, and it’s all for me.”

Edd crawled on top of Nat, happy to have retrieved his position on the couch, the whole time twisting his upper body in beat to the music. He straddled his boyfriend who immediately thrust his hips upward to meet Edd’s. Edd fully intended to slide his torso flush with Nat’s but Nat beat him to it by burying his face in Edd’s neck and lapping eagerly at the sweat soaked skin.

Edd closed his eyes and continued to gyrate to the remaining few lines of the song. Yeah, this was an excellent party, all right. Good drinks. Good people. Good music. Why had he ever thought this place was a bust? He only partially remembered feeling lonely a little bit ago, but the feeling was so far away, now.

At some point Edd stopped dancing all together and just gave in to the sensation of Nat’s tongue and lips on his jawline as it traced a line up to his ear. He twitched involuntarily as Nat’s teeth pulled slightly on his earlobe.

Edd wanted so badly to keep his id in gear. His ego and superego had all but left the building. His thighs wanted to squeeze together as his hips thrust Nat back into the couch—

\--but a sudden intense flash of cold water stopped everything.

Edd gasped loudly and pulled back. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a sopping wet Nat underneath him. In all the confusion, the music abruptly stopped playing and was replaced by loud laughter.

Ed stood behind the couch holding a now-empty cooler. Ice and water surrounded the couch that now seated a very drenched Edd and Nat.

“I made the bunnies stop!” Ed shouted proudly over the snickering.

“Oh man,” Kevin held his side as he doubled over with laughter. “Good one, Ed.”

Edd blinked a few times, trying to make sense of what just happened. Everyone began talking at once.

“We told you to stop, you guys.”

“You weren’t listening! Oh, the humanity! Oh, the lust!”

“Plank says he couldn’t stop watching!”

“It was worse than seeing Victor in heat during the early hours of the morning!”

“Yeah, sockhead, what were you guys trying to do, traumatize us?”

Edd shivered a little as he peeled himself off of Nat. The ice water had completely sobered him in less than a second. The growing urge between his legs now quieted to a dull and rather disappointed wail. “I… I apologize. I don’t know what came over me,” he chattered.

“I know what I wanted to come over me,” Nat smirked.

Edd kicked him in the shin, but not enough to hurt, mostly because he was now too cold to move much.

Nazz appeared in a few seconds with some towels for the two of them. “As punishment, you two gotta air out my couch so it doesn’t mold,” she grumped, tossing over the towels. 

“Does this mean the party is over?” Jimmy squeaked from the corner.

“No, Jimmy,” Sarah pet him awkwardly on the back. “It just means Double D and Nat have to move the couch outside by themselves.”

“Hooray!” Jimmy clapped. “Manual labor!”

-0-0-0-

After a quick toweling and many frustrating attempts to get the couch out of Nazz’s walk-out basement doors, Nat finally snapped his fingers and X-Dude, Normie, Trio and Shelby materialized from their hiding spots to move the couch for them, despite everyone shrieking at him for cheating.

Edd couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. He couldn’t believe he’d allowed all of his judgment to leave him like that, even for a short moment. On top of it all, had Nat’s bodyguards really been watching the entire time? Edd didn’t miss the tiny glances he was sure he was getting from behind the sunglasses. In fact, Edd was pretty sure the only reason they were wearing sunglasses at night was because they didn’t want to be caught staring.

In the end, Nat and Edd found themselves wrapped in more towels provided by Nat’s butlers and sitting on Nazz’s backyard porch swing. At some point Nat had removed his jeans and sat in his boxers. Edd seemed to remember Eddy of all people coaxing Nat out of them in the first place, which struck him as a bit strange. Someone had started the music back up inside, but with the doors closed, it could barely be heard from where they were sitting.

Edd leaned against Nat’s shoulder and sighed as he pulled his legs up fully on the swing. Nat let his feet hit the ground so that they could swing slowly back and forth. After a bit of coaxing, Edd worked his hand through the folds of terry cloth to find on of Nat’s hands and held on tight.

“Seriously,” Nat began as he swirled his thumb with Edd’s. “What the hell was that in there? Not that I’m complaining, but hot damn, Double D.”

Slightly embarrassed, Edd shrank into his towel a bit. “I required your attention,” he murmured.

“Well you got it,” Nat squeezed Edd’s hand. “I was just letting you mellow out, man. You seemed content to just be a wallflower.”

“My best hypothesis is that the alcohol heightened what would have been a very lighthearted mood, and turned it into a raging fit of jealousy,” Edd theorized.

Nat raised his eyebrows at him. “That was jealousy? Can you be jealous more often? I mean, seriously. I’m getting hard again just thinking about it. Look.” Without a second thought, Nat moved their entwined hands to his crotch where Edd could feel the hardness under his drying boxers.

Almost instinctively Edd recoiled. “Nathan!”

“Oh, come on,” Nat grinned. “You were just riding me like twenty minutes ago in front of everyone. At least now we have privacy. And towels.”

Edd gave Nat a very hard look.

Nat didn’t even bat an eye. “I totally missed my chance with you, didn’t I.”

“I wouldn’t say that, exactly,” Edd trailed off as he nervously glanced about him. “Your butlers are right _there_ , though.” Indeed, all four bodyguards were outside with them. Edd didn’t feel like they really had any privacy at all.

“Butlers, schmutlers. I can make them go away just like that,” Nat said as he snapped his fingers on the final word. One of the bodyguards, coughed a little and Nat groaned. “Okay, maybe not. But you’ll totally get used to them.”

Edd only chuckled softly and shook his head. “Not tonight, Nathan.”

Nat’s ears perked up. “But some other time, then?”

“We’ll discuss it when we’re not under the influence. My head may be clear, but I still feel sluggish and not quite in my proper mindset.”

“Yeah,” Nat agreed. “You gotta want to do me when you’re sober. Otherwise I might start to think you only find me attractive when you’re drunk.”

Edd playfully shoved at Nat with his arm. “You are very aesthetically pleasing, Nathan.”

“Oh, tell me more,” Nat mocked, but in a cheerful tone as he leaned in toward Edd. They were close enough that Edd could start counting freckles if he so desired, which he did, frequently. “Whisper sweet nothings in my ear.”

It took nearly everything Edd had not to start laughing as he lowered his voice to a whisper and hissed, “I wanna see your peacock.”

“Oh my God, take me now,” Nat interjected loudly. The very next thing Edd knew, he was pinned to the porch swing, completely covered by Nat’s body and some towels. Edd let the laughter bubble out of him as Nat adorned his face and neck with dozens of tiny kisses. Eventually those kisses found Edd’s mouth and gently lifted the laughter out of him until they were both silenced by each other’s lips. The porch swing rocked the two of them gently as each kiss deepened into something a little more. 

Edd was just about to join Nat in the pantsless club because wet jeans and a hard-on were the absolutely worst combination when a sudden loud knock sounded from the house. Both Nat and Edd paused to glare at the interruption.

Eddy stood at the sliding glass door holding up Nat’s soaking wet jeans in one hand and wallet in the other. The look on his face clearly showed his disgust at the fact that Nat apparently carried absolutely zero cash on him.

“That little twerp!” Nat shouted. As he scrambled to get off the porch swing, he fell to the ground and proceeded to untangle his limbs from the towels that surrounded him.

Eddy made the absolute perfect ‘uh-oh’ face, dropped Nat’s wallet, and ran back toward the party. Once free, Nat practically slammed into the door after him.

With a reluctant sigh, Edd got up and followed Nat inside. He got the feeling that Eddy hadn’t really tried to get Nat’s money insomuch as he tried to get Nat’s attention away from Edd. Edd couldn’t even be mad at him. He had, after all, promised to leave the party with Eddy that night. 

Even so, as Edd stood between a bickering Nat and Eddy, he couldn’t help but feel as though the night had been a successful one, even if he wanted to make sure that nothing left Nazz’s house.

Ever.

Not one detail.

Even if he had to spend the next week hacking into the entire cul-de-sac’s cell phones to remove evidence.


End file.
